Today I turn 57! Already so many wonderful friends have messaged me and made me feel special. Tomorrow would be our 38th anniversary. These days have always been paired as we were married the day after my 19th birthday. I decided the first thing I would do today (since I woke up at 5am!) would be to meditate and see what was shaking on the inside plane.
There is something about getting older that makes us want to reflect on the past, so I did reflect on it, but this time it felt a little different. The past two and a half years I have been approaching my birthday and our anniversary with some hesitation or caution and with good reason, I find the memories to be very tender. The thought of celebrating anything without Blaine brings its own sadness. Yet today I also feel something new and expansive. I feel myself in this moment with fond memories and a richness of experience. I feel like I have gained some incredible wisdom and I also feel like there is a whole heap more to learn!
I see this birthday as an opportunity to appreciate what I have gained from my life so far. I humbly applaud myself for doing a wonderful job of feeling into the emotion of all the firsts without Blaine and I have been doing the work to heal. I believe he would be proud.
I wrote Blaine a letter and invited him to join me over these couple of days. I playfully wrote… “Feel free to follow me if you think you can keep up!” The pace with the kids and grandkids here is much quicker than my usual retirement pace. I am so happy that the kids chose to do swimming lessons this week in the park. Having them around this week has been fun.
This morning I also feel a yearning for more. It feels like it’s time to ramp up my life by embracing more excitement, more passion, and more fire. I don’t know exactly how I am going to do that. I don’t believe I have to know. I just think about my future and how I might be more open to what is to come. I have some plans and at the same time I have a lot of unknowns and the unknowns can bring nervous energy or they can bring excitement. I do not think there is need to feel nervous because I have a team of support guiding me through this next year and beyond. Besides, being anxious about things isn’t going to change anything for the better. I think the intention for me to set is to consciously choose to feel excitement, curiosity and a childlike wonder. Who knows what wonderful surprises are coming that I haven’t thought about? I know from past experience that things can happen in a good way that my mind would have never been able to comprehend.
Already I have had some cool surprises. My daughter decorated my gazebo with a Happy Birthday sign. My son in law caught some fish and brought them out to the campsite, so for supper we will have a delicious fish fry which is always an exciting thing for our family. Curtise, Jenn and Benson brought me a cool solar light. My cousin brought over a puffed wheat cake. A friend of mine is sending me a rhubarb pie. And the universe is infinite in abundance and so there is always more!
There is more than enough abundance for all of us in this world. As we focus on that thought I truly believe we create more of whatever we desire. So as I celebrate my birthday, I would like to send out a wish for everyone who reads this post. May we all face the future with pure optimism and unlimited curiosity. May we look forward to a future that is not clouded but instead nurtured by our past. May we move forward with clarity and grace and be showered with blessings for our highest and best in this year and in all the years to come!
Lots of love,
Angela
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