My niece is curling in a bonspiel this weekend. You wouldn’t think that is such a big thing to write about but hear me out. You see Blaine used to coach school curling. He was the coach and I was the “manager” so to speak. I would line up the practices and enter the team in tournaments and together we would put together drills. It was so much fun to do this together. I dare say it was up there with the most fun we had doing something for the community and in turn doing something for us. We were very fortunate that we got to coach our niece and nephews on top of all the rest. The whole group was amazing and it was so fun to be able to spend extra time with them in this way.
Blaine loved coaching and he loved all the kids just like they were his own. Who knew that the guy who struggled so much back in his school days would contribute so much to a school program later in life? He probably should have been a teacher himself! There is a little banner on the wall in the school. A legacy to what was so beautiful. A moment in time that had so much more meaning to him than anyone else can comprehend.
I was just telling my daughter tonight how I really want to go watch my niece curl before this season is over. A part of me is so sad that I can’t have Blaine sitting beside me so we can watch her together. It won’t stop me from going to see her but it does make me sad and that is okay. Over time as I give myself time to process the emotion the memories will be sweet, not sad. I also know he is keeping an eye on her and that he is very aware and very proud of what she is doing. He is certainly very proud of all of those kids. I know that for a fact.
Blaine and I also had another dream. We dreamed that we would travel across Canada in a motorhome (he always wanted to do that) and that we would help people we met by telling our story and how we made it through this difficult time together. We would help others in situations like ours and give them hope. We tried hard to do positive visualization. It was important as part of our journey through that year of what seemed to be unending challenges to stay in the mindset of looking toward the future and to dream about what we could do once Blaine was healed. As we all know it didn’t work out that way and that has been absolutely devastating. Looking back though I see there is a very simple and profound connection that happened because of our vision and foresight.
As I searched for ways to heal the heavy burden of grief I came across opportunities for healing. I was desperate to get through the pain but also just following my heart and if something felt like it was the right thing to do I didn’t think too hard about it. I just did it. One of the things that came out of my journey were the online grief summits. The first online summit I held with the help of my teacher Adrien Blackwell was held in June of this year. I was absolutely terrified at first but over time I became more confident with myself and surprisingly it was an amazing success. 1200 people registered for that summit and I met so many outstanding people because of that event. To give you an idea of the profundity of that event, normally a successful online summit would draw a few hundred registrants. With someone like me just starting out, logging up 1200 registrants was dumbfounding. I know for a fact that there was someone helping me from lining up the speakers, to manipulating the order that I interviewed them, to the viewers I reached and the important contacts I gained. I would never have had that kind of success without Blaine being there every step of the way.
So our dream was to help people. It was to get the message out and to give hope to people we met as we traveled across Canada. The summit helped people from the UK, Germany, Australia, Guatemala, USA, Canada, and the list goes on. First of all I know I would not have ever done a summit had I not been searching for help with my grief. Second, I know that I would not have had the success and the ability to pull that off nor the courage to take that on without Blaine urging me and cheering me on from his higher perspective. He is always there with me and for me no matter what I do or where I go. I am supported by him. He has done so much more for me I probably don’t even know. There is a huge benefit to having someone like that on your side.
So in effect we are living out our dream and then some. It is not the way we visualized it. There was a much bigger plan in the cards. The Universe, God, Higher Power, whatever you want to call it, is working in ways I can’t possibly understand. All I know is there is no better feeling in the world than when you can help someone. So many have helped me in my grief. I love that I can turn around and pay it forward. With Blaine and my guides, helpers and higher self on board there is nothing we can’t do.
So tonight I cry those healing tears because Blaine can’t be here with me, sitting beside me like he did back in his coaching days. I cry those healing tears because he can’t be physically be here in his human form to watch my niece curl. I cry those healing tears because he and I can’t curl together or travel across Canada together. I take his throwing stick and I use it to curl with new friends that I have met and who knows maybe one day I will get a motorhome and travel across Canada in his honor. Yes, it has been so hard. At the same time I can smile because I know that he’s watching over us, that we had something special that no one but he and I truly understand and with his vantage point and higher perspective I will be well supported as I continue my journey. I feel myself getting stronger and trusting more in the greater plan… this higher perspective. I am feeling grateful that love truly never ends and that we have been able to continue our relationship in this beautiful new way.
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