Authenticity and Truth

I decided to do a vision board this year. Blaine and I did vision boards in the past and you would be surprised at how so many things came to be. Colette Baron Reid does a 7 day challenge and walks you through putting the board together. I really love the way that she approaches the board as not just things that you want although that is part of it but concentrating on the way you want to be or how you want to feel. This really opens up the opportunity for the universe to provide experiences for you that give you that feeling without you limiting yourself by how it happens. Sometimes we don’t even know what we want but we always know how we want to feel.

Previous to the challenge I just knew I wanted to be my authentic self. What does it truly mean to be Authentic? How do we know what our true authentic self is? What does it have to do with grief? For me being authentic is being myself without worrying about what others think and to not judge myself so critically. I have admired people who are able to say what they truly believe without fear of the fact that someone else might have another opinion. Blaine found it easy to be himself in most circumstances. He was able to speak about world events uncensored so to speak. People loved Blaine and I think it was because he was truly himself always. The tricky part for me was and still is just examining who I really am now and what I truly believe deep down to be true. Sure I am in a lot of ways the same person as always but there are things that I relied on Blaine for and things that I feared and now stepping out on my own I want to be free to do what feels right for me and not be constantly bombarded by the judgement taking place in my own head. Also there are beliefs we have been programmed with that just simply don’t make any sense and I want to uncover those and let them go.I want to live my life intentionally with a sense of purpose and optimism and not just fly through it each day doing stuff and forgetting that each minute, hour and day matters. I want to stay present as much as possible and listen to my heart and my body and do what they say to do. I am ready to work at it and make it a priority.

We have had a lot of wet, heavy snow this winter in Maple Creek. I have amazing neighbors that have been helping me with the driveway thank goodness but I like to get out there and do what I can so I am out there thinking this will be great exercise for me. Well I now know that there is an ergonomic way of shovelling that I was totally oblivious to. The first time I felt my back tighten up I was thinking well you know you are out of shape and this is just another reason you need to get more deliberate about your activity in life. I really am starting to be aware that I am what I say in my head and so just that thought alone wasn’t helping. Of course after some rest my back got feeling a little better and so I shovelled again. After that healed I figured it would be fine to shovel one more time and this time my back was done. It had had enough of me and it decided to spasm and remind me just how much I was ignoring it all this time. If that wasn’t enough now I just really want it to heal up quickly because I am going on a trip you know. I got myself here by ploughing through like a bull with no regard for my own inner knowing and now I have to learn that everything takes place in its time and I will have to be patient.

We have to listen to our bodies. Just like we need to be aware of our environment and what is going on around us. There is a lot of beauty and synchronicity that we miss when we get busy with our day to day lives and choose to unconsciously repeat our busy days over and over. When we continue to ignore all the signs and messages all around us we “fall asleep” so to speak. We come to start thinking that things are okay because they have always been this way. Soon we are just complacently doing whatever we are comfortable with or what someone tells us is the right thing to do without us even thinking it through for ourselves and days, weeks and even years can go by like that. This is what I am trying to avoid. It is changing life from the priority of what I am going to do to how I am going to be. I want to live this way and I know it is the way to true authenticity and at the same time my mind and my ego is resisting.

Now I am busy making amends with my back. I am trying to be more mindful of it and making sure that I am not putting added pressure on it and listening to what it needs. It is teaching me that when I try to do things through the pain it just gets worse. This is what I learned with grief. You can’t push through it. You have to relax into those emotions and let them come when they do and just embrace them. The whole time you have to be constantly mindful of what is going on inside. Even when you are doing everyday things. Even washing dishes can be a great activity paired with just paying attention to how nice the warm water feels on my hands or how nice the dish soap smells. It is a choice. This is the space where I can be authentic. This is the space where my mind forgets about all the things like how I need to hurry or that I wish it wasn’t taking so long can go away and I can just be myself and enjoy who I am in that process.

Washing dishes mindfully is a pretty simple example and seems simple in principle but I will tell you it is most certainly not. Any of you that know how life can send huge challenges our way are quite aware we will struggle to just let go of the fear of any discomfort. It is a practice and I am cognisant of my mind going into this kicking, screaming, crying and fighting it but my awareness of it is a good start and as I learn to apply this to all circumstances in my life I believe things can only get better and better. This is how I will discover who I truly want to be and I will be able to let the universe know that I want to feel more like this. Law of attraction brings to you more of what you put out there.

So if you are finding it hard to stay present through your challenges and choose your state of being I totally get it. We have to start somewhere and we are where we are. Probably better to embrace it and love on ourselves rather than beat ourselves up about it, judge ourselves and continually resist it. I sure wouldn’t expect any of my students in school to learn big concepts overnight and so nor should we. It will come with practise for me and for you too if we are just patient. We just have to take the time, and consistently do our best to look after our needs, listen to our true selves and then surrender to the way things unfold for us. Trust all will work out exactly as it should.