Between Worlds

Have you ever woke up one morning and suddenly you realize your life is heading in a different direction? After the fog lifted a bit from my devastating loss, I realized my life had completely changed and I was forced to come up with a plan of how I would continue. I managed to find a way to carry on and find happiness and joy. I have been pretty steadfast and sure of my purpose over the last couple years but lately I have felt a fairly major shift happening - a “change in the wind” so to speak. There has been a lot of uncertainty, confusion and emotion. 

As many of you are well aware my focus has been on the subject of grief. I have learned so much about grief through my own experience, my research and all the interviews I have had the pleasure of doing. I felt I had to get it down on paper and so I wrote a book. I finished the manuscript in October last year and had it developmentally edited this past January. With the help of my editor, I found a wonderful agent to pitch my book to different publishers and even though there were some editors of some publishing companies that were pretty excited and loved my proposal, I have not landed my publisher yet. You might say I have been hyper focused on the subject of grief over the past two years and rightfully so. This loss has not been easy. In fact it has been damn hard! Even with the tremendous support and knowledge I have been so fortunate to receive, some days are so challenging! It has always helped me though to share what I learn with others.

After the manuscript was written, I started focusing on other things like traveling, the podcast and some personal health stuff. Through it all, I realized my intense focus on grief education had loosened a bit. Perhaps through getting all my thoughts and emotions down on paper I felt like I could let that focus ease. Like one big sigh of relief. However, it felt really strange though. If I am not feeling the intense focus on grief like I was, perhaps I am opening up to something else? Our lives really unfold in mysterious ways. Since my trip to Bali, I have struggled with a clear direction. Nothing feels the same. I really just couldn't put my finger on it. It felt like what I was doing before did not have the same resonance. Funny, it felt a little like grieving. Of course it did - because I could sense the change coming again! Anytime we are experiencing change, we experience the process of grief. I was wondering… What do I want now? Where do I want my focus and energy to go?

I have heard of this space called “In Between Worlds”. It is a time where the energy is redirecting. This is a really hard place for many of us to be and for good reason. We are always told we need to work hard to make things happen so we naturally want to try to force some kind of direction but when we try to do it, it doesn’t feel right because we are not aligned with our soul. This can get really frustrating. I got a message from my guides in a recent meditation. They showed me that I have to let go of the expectations and outcomes that I have had. I have to let go of the control of what is going to happen next and I need to just focus on allowing the energy and direction to shift as it needs to. There is always a divine plan even when I don’t know what it is…even when I don’t have all the answers. They also told me that when I let go of that control, the energy releases and it creates a void or an empty space, and this is where the magic happens. You see, there is no free energy for your higher self to create anything new when we are attached to some particular outcome or we are spending all our energy trying to figure out what we need to do next to make it happen.  Sometimes we have to let it go to allow the flow!

Last month I was invited to take the first level of the Touch for Health program. I am continuing this program into the fall. In addition, an opportunity presented itself to take some Craniosacral Healing classes in early October. I can’t be sure, but it would seem at least some of my focus has shifted to healing. I also feel that this is a great opportunity to meet like minded people. I was told that even though my human self is naturally very introverted, my soul yearns for more social engagement and companionship.

As I feel into it more, I realize that the whole reason I got started into the grief summits and consequently building the AYSJ community, is because I was in pursuit of my interest in energy healing. And even though I am continually practicing energy healing, it hasn’t been my main focus over the past while. 

Of course I am still learning more about grief and I know that will always be a subject I will continue to explore as I think there are still a lot of conversations that need to be had before we as a society are sufficiently educated in the process of grief. At the same time, I am building something that will enhance my ability to help myself and others as we all continually navigate change and subsequently the grieving process. I am doing my best to just allow it to become what it is meant to be even though it is driving me nuts not knowing why the direction has changed and how exactly these new healing modalities will serve my life going forward. The uncertainty of how the book will get published is adding to the uncertainty. I have been told not to overthink it or try to force it. It has its own timing. Who knows where I will be led to next?

Sometimes it is very hard to let go and let God! We want specific guidance and direction of what to do and where that will lead us and when it will all happen. Yet, in this case I feel the guidance is just to be patient and let things unfold in their own magical way. I sometimes lose faith and trust and then I am shown time and time again through crazy synchronicities that there has to be a divine plan. It is just a matter of allowing myself to relax,  have some fun and let that meaning come into sight at just the right time for me. Meanwhile, all I know is I am being guided to take some classes and engage in more social activities and build new relationships. It is keeping me busy and allowing me to expand my introverted human self in ways I have not been able since Blaine passed.

By the way, I also feel I am going to need some practise subjects to integrate the new skills I am learning. If you are in need of healing, let me know. I can work through zoom and also in person. I would love to see what kind of healing miracles we can create together! I will also continue to provide guidance from your higher self through my readings.  Reach out if you are interested. Sending lots of love, Angela.