This past week has been a challenging one. The challenges have been coming on for sometime and it seemed to me that this was just one more thing that I didn’t need. Even though it seemed that way to my mind, I know deep down that there is always a higher force working in and through us to create circumstances that work for us not against. We cannot always understand these things with the human mind and sometimes we are best not to even let the mind go there because it is just like a computer that is trying to process some large file. It just spins and spins.
My floor in my entryway last week was sloshing wet underneath. The laminate had swelled up from the water and it was apparent something was seriously wrong. I had the boys help me dig up the floor on Easter Monday. We found a lot of water but we had absolutely no idea where it was coming from. I called a plumber and that is where the serious investigation began.
This investigation involved ripping up part of my concrete slab. My house is built on two concrete slabs. One is the house portion and the other is for the garage. I do not have a basement. There is in floor heat throughout. I won’t get into all the timelines but in the end we had to find the root or in this case “roots” of the problem. One issue was the line for the in-floor heat loop to the garage was leaking. That problem was solved by shutting off that loop. The second root was much harder to find. It involved a jack hammer and eventually a cement saw and no water for a couple days. Big boulders of cement were lifted out of my house leaving a gaping hole in the floor and part of a wall removed. After all the dust settled, and I mean this literally, it was found that one of the main lines was leaking. It was such a relief to find the root of the problem. Now it could be fixed.
What does this have to do with my grief process? Well there is a root to every thought we have. There is an emotion that is tied to every thought or belief that runs through our mind. Our thoughts are what often trigger our emotions. We tend to believe that emotions are just “part of us” and can’t be changed. However if we start to examine our thoughts or beliefs around a particular situation we might find the root to our emotion. Now we can look at changing it!
When I realized that this floor thing was going to be a big problem I actually felt the emotion welling up inside of me and I just felt like I wanted to cry. At first I thought it was silly to cry over something like a floor. Really? It is just a floor. But then I noticed the emotion was there and I best not shove it down so I decided to deal with it. I have learned that when you feel like crying and you are in a place that you feel you can, you just cry. So I did. I sat and I looked at Blaine’s picture and I cried. I thought to myself, if you were here you would know what to do. You would be able to help me through all of this. You would know who to call. I have no idea about any of this. I am completely out of my element! I let myself have that time and those thoughts and I have to admit it felt good to just let that out. Once it passed through then I began to investigate my thoughts. I had a session a couple weeks ago where I realized my tendency to try to think of the worst case scenario and plan for that. I was offered the idea of changing my thinking about the best case scenario and planning for that instead. What a simple but valuable idea! So I sat with myself and thought about all the best case scenarios I could for this water situation. Then I said a little prayer and surrendered to one of those outcomes or something even better! Who knows what good can come of this? It might be something I could not have ever imagined. My head was clearer and I was able to think about who I could call to start the ball rolling and get help with the situation.
Now I am not sure what is going to happen with all of this now that the water leak has been stopped. New cement will need to be poured, the flooring will need to be replaced, and the wall rebuilt but I feel like I have given it the attention it deserves and now I can choose to let go of it, turn it over to a capable carpenter and get on with more joyful events. I affirmed some things through my floor fiasco already though. I affirmed that I am not alone. Just because Blaine is not here with me physically does not mean that he is not here in spirit. I can talk to him whenever I want and he hears me. So do a whole bunch of other guides, angels and helpers. I also learned that I am quite capable of calling for help and getting the answers I need. I also learned to appreciate good people. The plumbers were amazing people to deal with. They came right away and helped me with the problem but also were cheerful and happy and made a precarious situation somewhat more of an adventure than a catastrophe. Today I have water and I am so much more grateful and appreciative for it now than I was a few days ago. I am also much more grateful for electricity but that is a whole other story!
It is not easy work to dig to the root of an issue. Sometimes when you get to the root and you see it for what it is, it hurts a lot. However, if we choose to just fix the problems on the surface, there will be no end. There may be little branches in that root that we may have to deal with as well but in the end it is all our choice. We either deal with that root or we continue to deal with the problems that continue to arise because of it. What little problems do you have that maybe have a root that needs to be dealt with? What emotions are coming up that may have some thoughts that need to be changed? Maybe give it some time and attention and see what happens. I would love to hear from you if you are so inclined. Have a great week!
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