On October 26th, 2021 the unthinkable happened. I lost my husband, my best friend, my cheerleader, my hero, my confident, and so much more. Blaine was diagnosed with Stage 4 Colon Cancer in January of 2021. After what seemed like a series of impossible challenges he passed across the veil and left me alone. I was devastated. How could something like this happen to us? My children now did not have a father. He would never see his grandchildren. It seemed like it was a bad dream or a nightmare that I could not wake up from. My world turned upside down. Now I would be a widow. I certainly never thought this would happen to me at 54 years old. Blaine was just one day shy of 56 years, way too young for such a thing to happen.
Fast forward to today. It has been just over three months since I lost the love of my life. I have decided to write a blog. Perhaps the whole purpose of this blog is simply to tell my story to help my own healing. I don't pretend to know everything but I definitely have a story to tell and if it could help even one other person I would be short sighted not to share it. So here I am bearing my soul. You have every right to judge me, exclude me, dislike me or disregard and disagree with anything I have to say. All I ask is if you resonate with my story, just hear me out. What I have to share could be worthy and might just provide you some insight. I am learning what is working for me and hopefully, some of what I share will help you on your journey. Perhaps just being able to connect with another human being that has walked this path will be comforting and bring us peace.
What will follow this post is bits and pieces of my story. As I journey through my grief I also am learning to trust in a source that knows much more than I can comprehend. You can call it God, the Universe, a Higher Self but whatever you call it doesn't really matter. It doesn't even make any difference if you believe it or not, something beautiful and supportive is there. It has always been there and will always be there. It is something guiding, loving, and trying to help us through a very difficult time. What we have to do is build a relationship and learn to trust this source. This absolutely is going to be the key to helping us heal on this journey. It is what has helped me.
Feel free to respond to my posts if you are so inclined. I believe we are all in this together. I am interested in your story if you want to share it. I am learning it is not an easy journey. I might be so bold to say that this grief is one of the most difficult one can face. After all, we spend every day and night with our spouse. How many other people can you say you spend more time with? So many of us go through it at some point in our lives. Some of us are younger, some are older and we probably don't really think it will happen to us until it does. I also know that no one can really understand until it happens to them. We are the only ones who know how it feels to grieve a spouse. Others can only imagine and each of us is so unique in the way we grieve. I have come to know and believe all of it is okay. We will keep moving and eventually learn there is hope. Hope is a big part of what will help us through our grief. I can provide hope. There is happiness and joy on the other side. You WILL feel joy again and you WILL enjoy life as much or perhaps even more than you did before. If you are willing we can work through this together. What have we got to lose by sharing our stories? It certainly can't hurt and might just help.
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