Why does the weather seem to have such an effect on me? On others? It seems when it is raining we get into that melancholy state. Wind can make us irritable. Yet sunshine can bring light to a darkened heart. We have no control of the weather. It is what it is. So are a lot of things. There are things that are simply out of our control and we tend to make judgments on those things. We have thoughts about those things and we create emotion when we think about those things in a certain way.
I get irritable when the wind blows. I get agitated and grumpy and I am not sure why. Maybe because I think it’s just too miserable to go outside? This gets me thinking …. since I can’t change the fact that the wind is blowing, how is placing my judgements and thoughts on the windy day helping me or how is it hurting me? Sure I can be a little upset about the wind. It is annoying when you are trying to do something. I acknowledge that fact. I remember when we used to have to brand in the wind, work cows in the wind, supervise recess in the wind. I wasn’t a fan. Looking back I realize there was nothing I could do to change the circumstance. It was windy and I was out in the wind. I would just be kinda irritated and miserable about the whole thing and maybe even let it affect my day and likely others too. I am learning now that I do have the conscious ability to change my thoughts about the wind or at very least stop judging it. This applies to all things we have no control over.
It makes me recall the serenity prayer. Lord grant me the serenity to accept that which cannot be changed, the courage to change the things that can be changed and the wisdom to know the difference. That prayer was on our wall in our house in Frontier. I remember that at the top of our steps. I remember looking at it as I was growing up and wondering what it all really meant. Now, through my own loss I am starting to understand. Sometimes we have to recognize that things are what they are. They cannot be changed. Then we need to turn inward and decide what we want to do about that. Sometimes we can take small steps to change our thoughts which in turn change our emotions. Sometimes we just have to have faith, trust and surrender to the fact that yeah maybe things aren’t the best right now but I am going to do my best to trust that there will be better days to come and even though I may not know it or understand it, there is a reason and a season for everything. Even the wind!
A friend sent me some interesting information the other day. It was about the Wheel of Life. The understanding is that we are moving through life from the position of Happiness at the top of the wheel which would be the 12 o’clock position to the position of loss at the 3 o’clock position to the position of suffering to 6 o’clock position to the 9 o’clock position of hope and back to happiness again. When loss happens in life, and it will, we really want to get back to happiness as fast as we can and so we try to go backwards on the wheel to get back to that place. It just doesn’t work that way. We must go forward. We must move through what is and yes with a big loss it involves some really unpleasant feelings such as tension, stress, anxiety, worry, frustration, anger and conflict. That is why we resist the change of the loss. We don’t want to feel all these feelings but the only way through to hope again is through the suffering. We can actually get stuck in the wheel and keep trying to move back or we can move forward through those sensations and get back to our hope and eventually happiness again.
Facing the loss and the pain and the suffering of losing my husband Blaine is the only way to get back to hope. It was in my darkest hours that I realized that without hope there is no way back to happiness. Just like there is no way to stop the wind but to move through it. I am here to tell you at the end of all your suffering and pain there is hope and there is happiness. You just have to have faith, trust and surrender to the process. You might be angry and that is okay. You might cry every day and that is okay. You might even throw things, yell and scream. Find a safe place where you can do that. I looked back at pictures and I cried, I listened to music and I cried.
Sometimes I still do that. Each time I let myself feel those emotions I heal a little. I don’t feel bad about crying as much anymore. I know it is a necessary release for me. I can feel myself surrender to the whole thing because it is what it is! There is nothing I can do so I may as well feel what I feel and then once hope comes I can find ways to move forward and bring some joy back into my life.
So windy days? Well they are what they are. I can get up and be angry because the wind is blowing. I can let that irritation run through me. I can let the wind blow through me just like emotions of grief come upon me and deep down I know there will be a new day. It will come. Everything changes. While I am in the wind I can think about what I could do on that windy day to look after myself. Even just taking a little bit of time for myself to do something I love to do. Maybe I can bake something and warm up the house or put some stew into the crockpot. I could treat myself to a warm bath that day or a massage. Maybe I can just stay in my pajamas. Read my favorite book or watch my favorite show. It is whatever I can do for myself to make the day a little better. Give myself a little love and tell myself it is okay to be miserable for a while but also realize thoughts can be changed. That I am in control of my thoughts and if I so choose I can choose not to judge that windy day. I can just let it be what it is. Windy. Not good, not bad. I have no control over it so it’s just a windy day. It is what it is.
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