As I write this I am on a plane. I am on the last leg of a trip home from South America. I just came off an 11 hour flight from Santiago through the night and now at 7:30 this morning I am boarding for another 4 hour flight to Calgary.
I have always seen myself as pretty easy going and I think most people would agree I am pretty calm in most circumstances but here I am witnessing my human self having a little meltdown. I am tired and I am not really surprised as sleeping on the plane is next to impossible for me. The trauma that is pushing me to my edge is the fact that my carry on bag just was checked by force. It’s not just the monetary value of the contents so much as they are so special. Of course there are a lot of special penguins there in that bag.
Now my rational mind is saying the likelihood of the bag showing up in Calgary is pretty good and this really is a silly reason to have a melt down but that is not helping the fear. You see I just lived the trauma of lost luggage vicariously through my parents. Somehow their luggage went missing on their trip to Buenos Airies and despite hours of time calling and talking to whoever we could get a hold of they still don’t have their luggage. We can only hope perhaps it might arrive at their home at some point. The worst part was that mom had specially packed her carry-on so that they would have the necessities and they checked it and it got lost too! My aunt just told me she just heard that one fellow had his luggage show up two years after the fact. What? Where does all this lost baggage go?
Now this is a big topic and it could be a whole separate blog but what I am interested in is bigger. What am I learning through this experience? Like how do we best deal with disappointment and frustration and how can we advocate for ourselves without losing our compassion for our fellow human beings who are probably not making it their life mission to lose our stuff or make our lives hard.
As the lady checked my bag I noticed the fear rising up in my body. I decided that I was going to do what I could to explain my situation for whatever it was worth. I told her that the bag could not get lost. She assured me they would take care of my bag but I know mom did the same thing. There are no guarantees in this process. When I dropped it off to the guy who was putting them into the under storage I said to him can you make sure this gets to where it is going? He just smiled. So that’s all one can do. Now comes the hard part. Surrendering to what I have no control over. I have to trust it will be there and if it’s not I have to accept that too.
Things go through your mind like how could I have done things different? Here comes the judgment and the guilt. Maybe I could have put a few more things in my backpack. Tried to get a seat closer to the front of the plane so I got on first? Sure those are things that would help but let’s face it even the best laid plans go awry. Sometimes we simply don’t have as much control as we would like. When the plane is full someone has to check their carry on. So here is an opportunity to examine how we handle these situations.
I can’t tell you what is right or wrong but I can tell you what I did. I let myself have my moment. Some actual tears showed up. Now normally I would be judging myself for that too but I just thought you know what … if that’s what I need to do so be it. It didn’t last long and fortunately I could do it a little discreetly because I didn’t feel the need to explain it to anyone on the plane. Then I took a couple deep breaths and started writing and sorting it out in my head. Just that alone calmed me enough to release the emotion. Yay! Now I can think clearer and observe what I am learning. I am learning faith, trust and surrender when the situation calls for it.
I can see how I moved out of the fear. I actually managed to let that go. Now I can see how I can enjoy my flight but even better I also feel I actually have the capacity to feel gratitude for the number of people who showed me kindness not only today but on this entire trip. Wow! When I think about the attendants on the plane and the boat, the captain, pilot and all the maintenance and crew workers behind the scenes and the tour guides too, not to mention store clerks who did their best to speak English and convert money. I think you know it’s easy to take all that for granted. We even met a beautiful soul named Jeanne who gave mom some clothes to wear! They fit her perfectly. Can you imagine? If my bag is there when I get to Calgary I am going to have to send an energetic wave of gratitude to the people who got it there too. If it’s not well then I will deal with that when it happens.
I had an amazing time in South America and so did mom and dad. They got frustrated at times and so did I but in the end we didn’t let it ruin our trip and that is the key. I had some moments on the trip where memories of Blaine and I came flooding back, emotions surfaced and even guilt arose to be acknowledged and healed. I am told being near water is great for helping to move emotion. We get thrown some awful curve balls sometimes. Letting go of the fear, guilt, sadness and the frustration is something that can be practiced and learned. I am seeing that traveling is a perfect school for this and I am grateful to have the opportunity to practice alongside my parents who have always been good role models when it comes to being able to take things as they come. On to the next…. Oh and by the way my bag was there! All the penguins made it home. Gratitude, gratitude, gratitude…
I am so glad that you had a nice trip away and at the end all was good with your bag following you home. Your commentary on the anxiety you experienced resonated with me. Since my wife Sue died, I found when things surrounding life were happening to me it was more difficult to deal with not being able to have your spouse to help keep you calm and provide the perspective you need in the situation. One of the many things that are now lost to us. I look upon "my dealing with the situation" as her spirit guiding me and I casually say to her, Thank you.